The Lost Soul

I'm a little lost right now. Perhaps because i do not know which direction i should headed to. Which is the possible direction and what is the possibilities of success in the decision that i made? What have been done has been done. How come life is so difficult to live with?...I aint's expect much, but a basic need is all i need to satisfy my inner sense.

My inner compass doesn't show the correct altitude, and how would i be able to move to the next phase of my life. Lesson ahead are so tough and it's not delightful at all. I'm not afraid but the challenge is so scary. I am somebody who wanna felt safe all the time, guess i better stay put in one place and be in one piece.

Note: There's no such thing as "PEACE" in this world.

*~Yippie Yeah~*

Here i am blogging from the work office. Finally i got a permanent jobs with permanent pay. The work schedule is not permanent set yet. Althought the time now is 8AM To 4:30PM and it's a 5 day perweek work, I kinda like it to be 12 hour work for 4 days a week. My emotion todays is boring , boring and bored. Motion are very slow.

Note: "When Can I be A Millionaire Or Billionaire For God Sake!

*~All Gals Are Mentally Retarded!~*

I've been spending the last weekend and most of the week days sitting in front of my computer and figuring out loads of thing about gals. At first I did not have any inspiration to write a good blogs entry here but somehow I come out with some ideas to criticise about gal this days .

I went for a walk downstairs of my house. I decided to have a rest and took a seat at the nearest park bench that I could find. Next to me sat a couples. The girl looks marvellous gorgeous while the guys is so fuckingly ugly and old. They hug each other, kisses infront of me and doing all those stuff that young couple do in a broad day light. Well I do not care about what happening as this is just normal if it’s europe. What bother’s me is that “the guys is so ugly and old compare to the girl” “ what in the world is happening”. But at last as they left the place, I notice that the guys is darn rich. Of cuz that why the girl be with him. He drive a mercedes sport. Fuh!!!

He’s not Brad Pitt. Or Tom Cruise. But he’s fucking rich. All the gals nowadays are the same. They are just hunting for the richie rich. Don’t care if ya ugly or some wat fucking moron.
Show me a girls with sincere heart, then I’ll show you a man with attitude and good looking.
All I see till today is “girl are bitch” that why there are “bastard” all over the place.

The virus, the bacteria or the anonymous parasite

The name is sher, or perhaps I called her loads of funny nicknames such as “siao lang”, “lilo” or si lang bin. Thus lately I’ve given her a christian names….. shermaine.Okay….come to the main topics “what I think about her” matters….. A fair ladies with attitudes!

She maybe snooty sometimes, but at certain time, she maybe as friendly as rabbits. I know this lovely lady from one of my friends. At first I thought she’s somebody with proud characteristics but after knowing her for a few months times she’s not bad at all. Not bad to be a friends, a place to seek a shoulder to cry on when you sobber, a good listener and not bad to be a life partner too if you know what I mean.

She's more than attractive… You can measure her admirers queuing up from Penang Bridges to Mambo Pub in Gurney Hotel. Even though I was attracted to her and yet still I remain only as a friends to her. No more tackling girl whenever you see one okay? Her eyes was very manipulative but it’s okay…I had my contact lenses with me. So it will reflect everything back to her…..Miahahahaha.a..a.a. Want me to had a crush on you sher? Well….come and talk to my knuckle.

We talk a lot about those stuffs that even her admirer couldn’t be able to understand. Like hell other’s people would not understand whatever we are discussing about. One things that we love to scream about when we get fed up…..GO DIE! Lee Kii Sii !

I am immortal at last

I realise i'm beginning to turn immortal...reality almost as if I am immune to loves and nothing can harm me but myself ... ... At the end of the day I am the only one who can control my destiny, ...

*~Flooble Fun Anybody~*

I am a Leo.
(Also known as "Lion")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" From the early age, Leos are inclined towards drunkennes and extortion. When it comes to anything else, they show a remarkable degree of laziness. As a child, a Leo will typically demand a lot of money from parents, then from friends and even casual aquaintances. " (Read more | Find yours)

Grandma For Life

Yesterday, me and my friends went out to have a drinks and chit-chat at a nearby coffee shop. Through out the chit-chat something lingering in my mind about an incident happen a few years ago. Althought I didn’t mentioned out to my friends, but my mind happens to lingers some where else.

It was in a hospital room. I came into the room to visit her but she was already gone Her bed was left tidy. I walk around the other room looking around. Somebody must had left the lights off. I stay on her bed, to wait for her. Maybe she just went out for a while. But nobody told me. Actually she was gone. At 8:00 am in the morning. She’s answered the call from the lord to go back to her loves one. The day she went away, my heart still hurt’s till today. I fell asleep on her bed, waiting for her to come back. I know what the days mean. Those are the cloudiest and the darkest days of my life.

My grandma that I loved very much. She used to pamper me when mom is not around. She tolerate my childish attitude at that time and shower me with love.
I sobbed for a few month and those are the sadiest moment of my life. I just wanna say… “ Grandma, I loves you and I’ve lost somebody whom I loves and loves me so much” “ Goodbye grandma, and may the lord be with you.”

And this song is dedicated to her, remembering her loves for me.

"There You'll Be" - Faith Hill

When I think back, on these times,
And the dreams, we left behind ,
I'll be glad 'cause ...I was blessed to get,
To have you in my life,
When I look back, on these days,
I'll look and see your face,
You were right there for me,

In my dreams, I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart, there will always be a place, for you for all my life
I'll keep a part, Of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you'll be....

Well you showed me, How it feels
To feel the sky, Within my reach
And I always, Will remember all ....The strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you....
You were right there for me...

No Comments, No Facial Expression, Just A Knuckle!

It’s been along long time since the last posting on my blogs.

To all the frequent visitors of this blogs, I just wanna say “ I’m really sorry”…
I am avoiding the crowd all this while. Just wanna be alone again.

Life isn’t much of improvement right now…. But it seems better than those days. Sometimes I do felt lonely, but I have much more freedom than anybody else.

One of my friends often tell me love is very important. Money is nothing!
As I told all my friends before “Damn! Shut The Fuck Up! True Love Only Exist In Fairytales!”
Yeap….definitely true….cuz I haven’t met any gals which cherish true love!

Having insomia and couldn't sleep soundly at night, with hidden tears and sadness in my laughter.
The thunderstorm at the time we separated often woke me up. If I close my eyes and count to 3, love will return, tears would not have dropped

Bleach Personality Quiz

Congratulations, You are Ichigo!
You are Ichigo, Misunderstood, Brave, Strong and Determined!

~* What A Great Self Expression And Feeling *~

The sky are blue, the wind are mild and the atmosphere is so right. Yes! This is the feels, this is the moment i’m looking for. Right moment with the right atmosphere for me.

One surprise was the pale yellowish-pink sky rather than the blue we are so accustomed to. Our sky is blue because incoming sunlight is scattered by the gas molecules in our atmosphere. Blue light is scattered the most, and that is why we see a blue sky. I believed that huge amount of dust particles are suspended in the atmosphere all the time. The presence of all that dust would further scattered across the sky.

Winds are created by air being heated near the surface around the surface, then rising and moving towards the poles. I wish it could rain today. The feels of rain drops on your face, cheek and the whole of your body. Such a great feeling isn’t it.

Will Be Working My Ass Off , Cuz I'm Broke!

Would like to thank, everyone who's given me support through this ass-crap week. You all are at the top of this list. I am letting go of people who weight me down , hurt me or use me.

Will be working my ass off for year 2006 cause i'm broke. At last i'm broke!
I’ve been at my job for at least 5 years.
Never called in sick or for a small matter, now I’m the only one that was not appreciated for my effort and hard work than some of my colleques. Should I start find a new jobs and start a new life? Sigh…!!!

Now this is a time to find a partially backup plan and part time job. The boss will usually expects you to kiss her fat ass if you know what I mean. Put it to you this way, I’ve almost forgotten that I lost my jobs and I’m still there.Life been a rack now. Sometimes when I think of it I shed tears. Well life is like that la….I had somehow my find a way out, ………“PEACE"

Bored To Blog

Life had been a hectics this day. I've lost my jobs, loves, income, career and what so ever which is good for me. It's so fucked season of my life right now. Like everybody said....it's true and it's definitely true...
" Sudah Jatuh Di Timpa Tangga"

While some people exhibit optimism and resourcefulness, a concerning number succumb to “slow suicide.” Due to abusive from god, life in the society, suicide is actually an option for “coping” with an unbearable reality and an end to the pain suffered.

I'm Leaving My Past Behind

Sorry but i have to said this, " That's it! I'm leaving my past behind, and i'm leaving you.....I'm leaving my jobs and move to somewhere else to stay " I'm moving out..
Don't worry, I am not going to delete this blogs....it is just that i'm moving on ...to somewhere ...someplaces to stress out my mind.....I am only moving my myself! Get isolated and be on my own.

Sorry but it is not related to anybody or anyone. I felt depressed this few years due to ??. Until then, I will not do any posting on this blogs for a period of time. I will only continues with blogging when i'm back home.

You stayed. Because you believe in something. I don't have a future if i stay in the same spot......for now. Someday like me you will realise all that sacrifices than you've done worth nothing to that person. At that time you'll know what to do and what you shud do. Perhaps, being alone and moving out is the solution.

But I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so rude, unintelligent, childish, selfish,
aggressive, hopeless, and to care too much that i interfere your life and the way it's supposed to be.
I'm sorry for caring when I said I did not, loving when I said I would not. I'm sorry for throwing away the wonderful life you offered. I'm sorry for not respecting myself enough to know that my self-loathing was being spilled over onto you. I don't know what the source of these problems is, but it's not you. I've blamed you, and I am wrong. I love you the only way I know how to love a person, which doesn't seems fit perfect in the eyes of someone who loves as much as you do. I'm so sorry. Don't think about forgiveness...just know that I wish you nothing more than peace.

Lastly what i wanted to say is....."Sorry but i'm leaving everything in the past behind and moving on with my own life." And " I'm just glad....i did (Thanks to the courage that i have).

*~ For a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime? ~*

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered.

And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a season because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real!

But, only for a season.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons.
Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

I'm Sorry Mr.Bikes

When you have something in your life which you happen to be "to used to it", suddenly when it's gone, you will felt weird and not the same anymore. I'm sorry Mr.Bikes....I'm so sorry to sell you off. There's a lot of memory between me and you.....and you're a part of my life too.

You've bring me places that i could never have been there if it weren't you.
You contains load of sweet and sad memories.....And i have no doubt of your sentimental value for me.

But lately you are giving me so much trouble to maintain you. So i have to sell you.
May the person whom i sold you to, will take good care of you.

Good Bye! Bikes! Good Bye! And I'll always remember i have you before......
I Love You throughout the year you with me.......BYE And GOOD BYE FOREVER...
:`(

Unstable

Everyone is healthy in life. People learn to appreciate their health and to live life to the fullest. One never knows when illness will strike any of us. It took me awhile to realize this after I became ill. It is very hard to adjust to a new environment. I know it is hard. We have all been on that road. Love and enjoy your life to the fullest. Cuz “life is short”

“ Life is short! Why you ‘re still sad? …Forget about the past…..”
“Why must you live a sad life. Can’t you just be happy, Why don’t you look forward to future and live happily”
This words kept lingering in my mind everyday since she told me that.

Again for the first time in my life, i feel so unsure/unsecure of my future.
So much for your kind words, advise and reminder.....*hugsssssssss*.
I’m hanging myself on a tree….

Nature Of A Heart

She stood by the bench and studied the crowd of people making their way to the food court.
Her interest in him had begun long time ago. She's in loves...... But he doesn't know at all. Taking a closer look at him......A simple soft glance from him makes her heart melt. A thoughtful soul and insightful mind.
She discovered the previous owner's name. During the next year and one-month the two grew to know each other through the phone calls and meeting up secretly. A Romance was budding. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.

The day comes. A young women was running toward him. her figure long and slim. Her black hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears. Her eyes were showing tears of happiness. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her outfit she was like springtime come alive. He started to move toward her. As he moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips.
Almost uncontrollably he made one step closer to her. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray brown eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. He did not hesitate.

Guys : I am so glad you could meet me. May I take you to dinner?"

The girl face broadened into a tolerant smile.
Yes...."But i don't know what this secret meeting is all about," she answered.

The true nature of a heart is seen in it's response to the unattractive.
"Tell me whom you love" "And I will tell you who you are."

Don't Like To See You Cry

My phone rang continuosly and nonstop

Me : Hello!
Caller: Hello!. Are you home? I'm feeling very down, Just want to find someone to chat with. Are you free?
Me : No! i'm At Work, Wat Sup?
Caller: Then nevermind. Don't want to disturb you. That's all then, bye!-bye!

Just cry out if it make you feel good. My shoulder is here, for you to lean, for you to hit.
Just treat me as him, scold all you want, like how he'd hurt you that day.
In love, even if it's a mistake, don't worry, I'll be by your side.
Give you an understanding smile, a warm big hug and a touch on forehead.
Promise to do what I said. There's a window in every troubles of love, open it then you'll see the sunshine.
Start a new life. Leave him. Leave him once and for all. Leave him for the last time he hurt you.
Forget the past. The past is the past, no matter how good how beautiful, it's only the past.
Let me accompany you just to show you the way, head towards the future to find somebody who really love you.
Don't like to see you cry, swollen eyes cuz you cannot see the blue blue sky. There are sunshine beneath the sky. Your kind smiling face, the beautiful you that i used to love, who's understanding towards all.
Don't like to see you cry, happiness won't wait for you forever. The quiet stars at night, twinkling faraway,
I wants you to wipe your tears, and "MAKE A WISH".

Wild Chrysanthemum

Walk past a mud puddle, on it is a wild chrysanthemum flower. It's petals has open, beside it growing new seedlings. In front is a row of bamboo shoots, a farmer living alone in his shed.
Three vegetables plots and three padi fields, growing vegetables and flowers.
Heavy rain keeps pouring down, there's a big puddle on the ground. Grown beautifully and swaying gently, wild chrysanthemum became a water flower. A Wild chrysanthemum...a wild chrysanthemum, is this your home? Is This where you belongs to? It gently shakes its head, this is not my home. Where is your home then?
Swaying gently in the wind, my home is somewhere under the sky. Where is your home then?
Somewhere between the high mountains and thick clouds, searching for it in my dreams..................

Which i realised my life is like the flow and tide of the ocean....Never ever will stay calm and stable.....

Contact

Everytime we meet, it is like an organiser.
Every route I send you, know it well even if I close my eyes, like memorising a book. Feeling of excitement makes me want to cheer, praising this little happiness.

We're able to grab hold of this love, dreams dancing away in my heart. Two hearts in contact, don't need reasons to convince. Love is my gift to you. I'm very confident, this happiness is enough to satisfy for no matter how long. No one is able to prevent. Love is the map you gave me. I follow the route, and going to move into your world to stay.

I don't want to be too blinded by love, come and carry a 'backpack of bliss' with me.

Remembrance ~

I stand at the bus-stop looking at you both, looking at him kissing lightly on your hand.
The shining diamond ring.... sweet meeting, I should give you my blessing kiss. Love is like the rose on your skirt, from now on fluttering in the air beside someone else.
I can only think back but can't go near to someone, who gave up on me?
Love is like a heavy rain, finding a wet and unwanted heart. That person wants to cry, wants to shout, wants to ran towards you. If I could snatch back your love and push away my regrets. If I could. . . . .
The happiness, the tears I owed, I compensate with my future. Snatch back your love?
Then will I understand? Even if it's tough, even if I lose, coz of you, love makes me braver.
Snatch back your love to claim back the past?
Love is selfish and forgiving, it's difficult for love to be fair.

Before Dawn Break

The tired street lights dim one by one as dawn breaks.
I step on the accelerator....vroom!!!! , going along with the wind, unable to close my eyes for the whole night. The sun rays begin to reveal from the horizon, I'm still staying at the edge of darkness. With an oblivious heart, I totally forgot the time, stopping at the very last scene.

Before dawn breaks, you finally said, our love has no tomorrow. Whose appearance, who should say good bye, putting a completed script in front of my eyes. The silent side view of your face, is so beautiful, so far away. You took everything away, emptied my world, this is the coldest season in my life.

Secretly wipe away the tears from my eyes, don't want to be easily seen. Before the sky lightens up today, I have to be mentally prepared not to let my feeling be too obvious.

Whirlpool

Without a word, I stand at the end of the tunnel,
The leaving train sounded its horn and past by.
No signs or shadows, my whole heart is hung upside down,
This time there shouldn't be a wind blowing.

Imminent, imminent, my heart has gone beyond,
Fiery stars, burning into a whirlpool of love, surround me, can't hide away.

Unexpectedly, this loneliness is like a whirlpool,
Surrounding me, can't hide away, can't be broken.

Without a word, you left in silence, your face is expressionless.
Once uncautious, I'll fall into your whirlpool, love you till breathless.
Silence, silence, is the reason for not thinking about you.

Rubbish

I do not care what ever people see me as, or think of me as anymore.
As my loves one had did this to me........."leaving me alone in the dark".
I have scars all over my hand and arm.
My eyes is swollen like a goldfish....hell ya
You wanna think of me as bad ass, then i'm bad ass. You wanna think of me as bastard then i'm a bastard.
Will be wasting my whole life.....

BOYFRIEND VS FRIEND

BOYFRIEND VS FRIEND

Boyfriend

F= Forgives mean to Forget
R= Ready to share everything wit you
I= Intended to help you when you're in troubles
E= Extra care for you compared to others
N= Nice and caring
D= Dare to fight for your right if you're being bully and help to defense u.


Friend

F= "Find 1 day,come out yam cha"(always said the same phrase,but din even call or leave u a text asking you to go out yam cha also)
R= Re-use of each others,to make own self profitable
I= Intended to cabut if he/she knows that u need his/her help!
E= Extra careful with your words,dun mention d sensitive phrase"CAN BORROW ME $?"
N= Need help,they automatically come n find you(but when u need their help,they will say,"sorry leh,i think i cant help you coz.....1001 reasons")
D= "Do what ever u want,as long as dun give me troubles can liao!!!!!"

JUST MY 2 CENT NIA,no offence to anyone ya...

This song do really......reflect....thing

As i was doing nothing, but feeling sad......i stumped upon this song....

Artist : Hoobastank Lyrics
Song : The Reason

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you ............................

P/S: Was hoping you understand.....after all this while.....

Meaning Of Unforgiving~*ching*

Unforgiving - One who has difficulty forgiving the hurt or injustice done to them

*sob* *sob*

Words

As i was housekeeping my mailbox i come to an article call words.

Words can bring consolation, comfort, encouragement, and hope.
Words can take away fear, isolation, shame, and guilt.
Words can reconcile, unite, forgive, and heal. - i could not agree with this
Words can bring peace and joy, inner freedom and deep gratitude.
Words, in short, can carry love on their wings.
A word of love can be one of the greatest acts of love.

How true is it? Where is the negativity of this?

Own quote: "Words do more harm and than good."

And i couldn't agree more. If this original article writer is infront of me, surely i'll smack on his head very hard......
Prove it to me.....can you?

Meaning Of Forgive~* ching*

Since love is proved by works and not words alone,
“What we live is more important than what we say, because the right way of living always leads to the right way of speaking.

When we forgive, we forget the fault and accept the apologizes with grateful heart.
When we forgive our neighbours from our hearts, our hearts will speak forgiving words.
When we are grateful, we will speak grateful words, and when we are hopeful and joyful, we will speak hopeful and joyful words.

Choose Love, Choose Happiness

Revenge, Hatred And Unforgiveness Is The Cause Of Sadness.
Are you taking some revenge on someone, And letting him feels what you feels.

Do you feel sad and hurt when someone you love suffers?
Do you feel sad and hurt when you loose something you hold to?
Let all the sad memories go. Just keep the happy one.
You win everything. He lost all completely.

” Life is about making choices. You can choose to hold to negativity like hatred and fear,
Or you can choose to let things go and live with happy thought’s with the one you loved the most.”

So let the fear and hurt go….just like gently letting go something that you hold tightly in your hand.
Don’t let your life go stagnant.
Let things go............
The void of negativity can be filled with love and gratitude.
Choose LOVE , and HAPPINESS will follow.